Taking Time: Support for People with Cancer
- Posted: 11/09/2009
- Updated: 01/19/2011
·
Your
Feelings: Learning You Have Cancer
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Hope
Denial
Anger
Fear and Worry
Stress
Pain
Control and Self-Esteem
Sadness and Depression
Guilt
Loneliness
Gratitude
Summing Up: Learning You Have Cancer
Denial
Anger
Fear and Worry
Stress
Pain
Control and Self-Esteem
Sadness and Depression
Guilt
Loneliness
Gratitude
Summing Up: Learning You Have Cancer
|
You will have many feelings after you learn that you have
cancer. These feelings can change from day to day, hour to hour, or even
minute to minute.
Some of the feelings you may go through include:
All these feelings are normal.
|
"I heard the doctor say, 'I'm sorry; the test results
show that you have cancer.' I heard nothing else. My mind went blank, and then
I kept thinking, 'No, there must be some mistake.'"
Learning that you have cancer can come as a shock. How did
you react? You may have felt numb, frightened, or angry. You may not have
believed what the doctor was saying. You may have felt all alone, even if your
friends and family were in the same room with you. These feelings are all
normal.
For many people, the first few weeks after diagnosis are
very hard. After you hear the word "cancer," you may have trouble
breathing or listening to what is being said. When you are at home, you may
have trouble thinking, eating, or sleeping.
People with cancer and those close to them experience a wide
range of feelings and emotions. These feelings can change often and without
warning.
At times, you may:
- be
angry, afraid, or worried
- not
really believe that you have cancer
- feel
out of control and not able to care for yourself
- be
sad, guilty, or lonely
- have
a strong sense of hope for the future
This section looks at many of the feelings that come up when
people find out they have cancer.
Once people accept that they have cancer, they often feel a
sense of hope. There are many reasons to feel hopeful.
- Cancer
treatment can be successful. Millions of people who have had cancer are
alive today.
- People
with cancer can lead active lives, even during treatment.
- Your
chances of living with--and living beyond--cancer are better now than they
have ever been before. People often live for many years after their cancer
treatment is over.
Some doctors think that hope may help your body deal with
cancer. Scientists are looking at the question of whether a hopeful outlook and
positive attitude helps people feel better. Here are some ways you can build
your sense of hope:
- Write
down your hopeful feelings and talk about them with others.
- Plan
your days as you have always done.
- Don't
limit the things you like to do just because you have cancer.
- Look
for reasons to hope.
|
However long the night, the dawn will break.
--Hausa (African) Proverb |
You may find hope in nature, or your religious or spiritual
beliefs. Or you may find hope in stories (such as the ones in this book) about
people with cancer who are leading active lives.
When you were first diagnosed, you may have had trouble
believing or accepting the fact that you have cancer. This is called denial. It
can be helpful because it can give you time to adjust to your diagnosis. Denial
can also give you time to feel hopeful and better about the future.
Sometimes, denial is a serious problem. If it lasts too
long, it can keep you from getting the treatment you need. It can also be a
problem when other people deny that you have cancer, even after you have
accepted it.
The good news is that most people (those with cancer as well
as those they love and care about) work through denial. By the time treatment
begins, most people accept the fact that they have cancer.
Once you accept that you have cancer, you may feel angry and
scared. It's normal to ask "Why me?" and be angry at:
- the
cancer
- your
health care providers
- your
healthy friends and loved ones
And if you are religious, you might even be angry with God.
Anger sometimes comes from feelings that are hard to
show--such as fear, panic, frustration, anxiety, or helplessness. If you feel
angry, don't pretend that everything is okay. Talk with your family and friends
about it. Most of the time, talking will help you feel a lot better. (See "Sharing Your Feelings About Cancer.")
|
Talking to one another is loving one another.
--Kenyan Proverb |
"The word 'cancer' frightens everyone I know. It's a
diagnosis that most people fear more than any other."
It's scary to hear that you have cancer. You may be afraid
or worried about:
- being
in pain, either from the cancer or the treatment
- feeling
sick or looking different as a result of your treatment
- taking
care of your family
- paying
your bills
- keeping
your job
- dying
Your family and close friends may also worry about:
- seeing
you upset or in pain
- not
giving you enough support, love, and understanding
- living
without you
Some fears about cancer are based on stories, rumors, and
old information. Most people feel better when they know what to expect. They
feel less afraid when they learn about cancer and its treatment. As one man
with prostate cancer said,
"I read as much as I can find about my cancer.
Imagining the worst is scarier than knowing what might happen. Having
all the facts makes me much less afraid."
Your body may react to the stress and worry of having
cancer. You may notice that:
- your
heart beats faster
- you
have headaches or muscle pains
- you
don't feel like eating or you eat more
- you
feel sick to your stomach or have diarrhea
- you
feel shaky, weak, or dizzy
- you
have a tight feeling in your throat and chest
- you
sleep too much or too little
- you
find it hard to concentrate
Stress can also keep your body from fighting disease as well
as it should.
You can learn to handle stress in many ways, like:
- exercising
- listening
to music
- reading
books, poems, or magazines
- getting
involved in hobbies such as music or crafts
- relaxing
or meditating, such as lying down and slowly breathing in and out
- talking
about your feelings with family and close friends
If you're concerned about stress, talk to your doctor. He or
she can suggest a social worker or counselor. You could also find a class that
teaches people ways of dealing with stress. The key is to find ways to control
stress and not to let it control you.
Even though almost everyone worries about pain, it may not
be a problem for you. Some people don't have any pain. Others have it only once
in a while. Cancer pain can almost always be relieved. If you're in pain, your
doctor can suggest ways to help you feel better. These include:
- prescription
or over-the-counter medicines
- cold
packs or heating pads
- relaxation,
like getting a massage or listening to soothing music
- imagery,
such as thinking about a place where you feel happy and calm
- distraction,
like watching a movie, working on a hobby, or anything that helps take
your mind off your pain
There are many ways to control pain. Your doctor wants and
needs to hear about your pain. As soon as you have pain you should speak up.
Dealing with your pain can also help you deal with the feelings discussed in
this section.
When you describe your pain to your health care providers,
tell them:
- where
you feel pain
- what
it feels like (sharp, dull, throbbing, steady)
- how
strong the pain feels
- how
long it lasts
- what
eases the pain and what makes it worse
- what
medicines you are taking for the pain and how much they help
To find out more about pain, see the NCI booklet, Pain Control.
|
If you conceal your disease, you cannot expect to be
cured.
--Ethiopian Proverb |
|
Pain Scales and Pain Journals
Pain scales or pain journals are tools that you can use to
describe how much pain you feel. These tools can also help your doctor,
nurse, or pharmacist find ways to treat your pain.
You are the only person who can talk about the pain you
feel. When it comes to pain, there is no right or wrong answer. On many pain
scales, you are asked to rate your pain as a number from 0 to 10. For
example, you would rate your pain as "0" if you feel no pain at
all. You would rate your pain as "10" if it is the worst pain you
have ever felt in your life. You can pick any number between 0 and 10 to describe
your pain.
When you use a pain scale, be sure to include the range.
For example, you might say, "Today my pain is a 7 on a scale from 0 to
10."
A pain journal or diary is another tool you can use to
describe your pain. With a journal or diary, you not only use a pain scale
but also write down what you think causes your pain and what helps you feel
better.
|
When you first learn that you have cancer, you may feel as
if your life is out of control. You may feel this way because:
- you
wonder if you will live or die
- your
daily routine is disrupted by doctor visits and treatments
- people
use medical words and terms that you don't understand
- you
feel like you can't do things you enjoy
- you
feel helpless
- the
health professionals treating you are strangers
Even though you may feel out of control, there are ways you
can be in charge. For example, you can:
- Learn
as much as you can about your cancer.
You can call 1-800-4-CANCER (1-800-422-6237) or TTY (for deaf and hard of
hearing callers) at 1-800-332-8615. You can also go online at http://www.cancer.gov
and click on "Need Help?" at the lower left.
- Ask
questions. Let your health providers know
when you don't understand what they are saying, or when you want more
information about something..
- Look
beyond your cancer. Many
people with cancer feel better when they stay busy. You may still go to
work, even if you need to adjust your schedule. You can also take part in
hobbies such as music, crafts, or reading.
As one woman with cancer commented,
"Once I started to feel better, I found myself looking
for new outlets for creativity. I had always promised myself that some day I
would take a photography course. Having a new hobby helped me feel better about
other areas of my life as well."
Many people with cancer feel sad or depressed. This is a
normal response to any serious illness. When you're depressed, you may have
very little energy, feel tired, or not want to eat.
Depression is sometimes a serious problem. If feelings of
sadness and despair seem to take over your life, you may have depression. The
box below lists eight common signs of depression. Let your health provider know
if you have one or more of these signs almost every day.
|
Early Signs of Depression
Check the signs that are problems for you:
|
Depression can be treated. Your doctor may prescribe
medication. He or she may also suggest that you talk about your feelings with a
counselor or join a support group with others who have cancer.
|
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
--Maori Proverb |
Many people with cancer feel guilty. For example, you may
blame yourself for upsetting the people you love. You may worry that you are a
burden to others, either emotionally or financially. Or you may envy other
people's good health and be ashamed of this feeling. You might even blame
yourself for lifestyle choices that could have led to your cancer. For example,
that lying out in the sun caused your skin cancer or that smoking cigarettes
led to your lung cancer.
These feelings are all normal. One woman with breast cancer
said,
"When I start to feel guilty that I caused my illness,
I think of how little children get cancer. That makes me realize that cancer
can just happen. It isn't my fault."
Your family and friends may also feel guilty because:
- they
are healthy while you are sick
- they
can't help you as much as they want
- they
feel stressed and impatient
They may also feel guilty when they don't think they can
give you all the care and understanding you need.
Counseling and support groups can help with these feelings
of guilt. Let your doctor or nurse know if you, or someone in your family,
would like to talk with a counselor or go to a support group.
People with cancer often feel lonely or distant from others.
You may find that your friends have a hard time dealing with your cancer and
may not visit. Some people might not even be able to call you on the phone. You
may feel too sick to take part in the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy.
And sometimes, even when you are with people you love and care about, you may
feel that no one understands what you are going through.
You may feel less lonely when you meet other people who have
cancer. Many people feel better when they join a support group and talk with
others who are facing the same challenges. (See "People Helping People.")
|
Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a
sorrow.
--Swedish Proverb |
Not everyone wants or is able to join a support group. Some
people prefer to talk with just one person at a time. You may feel better
talking to a close friend or family member, a social worker or counselor, or a
member of your faith or spiritual community.
"I
do have a lot of bad days, but you know, I don't talk about them or focus on
them. Instead I think about all the good things. I have a lot of nice times
when I'm with my grandchildren, when I go to church, and when I'm with my
friends."
Some people see their cancer coming back as a "wake-up
call." They may realize the importance of enjoying the little things in
life. They go places they've never been. They finish projects they had started
but put aside. They spend more time with friends and family. They mend broken
relationships.
It may be hard at first, but you can find joy in your life.
Take note of what makes you smile. Pay attention to the things you do each day that
you enjoy. They can be as simple as drinking your morning coffee, sitting with
a pet, or talking to a friend. These small, day-to-day activities can give you
comfort and pleasure.
You can also do things that are more meaningful to you.
Everyone has special things, both large and small, that bring meaning to their
life. For you, it may be visiting a garden in your city or town. It may be
praying in a certain chapel. Or it could be playing golf or some other sport
that you love. Whatever you choose, embrace the things that bring you joy when
you can.
|
You will have many feelings as you learn to live with
cancer. These feelings can change from day to day, hour to hour, or even
minute to minute.
Feelings of denial, anger, fear, stress and anxiety,
depression, sadness, guilt, and loneliness are all normal. So is a feeling of
hope. While no one is cheerful all the time, hope is a normal and positive
part of your cancer experience.
|
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