A Rose
Bush with No Thorns?
The article in the Washington Post a few days ago was thought
provoking, titled, SHARED PARENTING CAN TEST A MARRIAGE,
authored by Janice D’Arcy. I commend the author, Ms D’Arcy. The article for me was mind stretching, as it
was about sharing, chores and real life. In our case, Bill
and me, we are eighty and eighty-four. We are light years away from parenting. On the other hand the sharing, giving and taking with major illnesses also is
over-whelming ..I cannot write about
how to do it!
Trust me, I wish I could! In retrospect,
I do not know how we both got though this most difficult of year, 2012. Me with a diagnosis of breast cancer, with an
invasive fourteen centimeter
lobular cancer that was not detected for years as it grew and bloomed
like a large pumpkin. Then three months later unexpected Bill has open-heart
surgery, that included four bypasses.
Looking back, with some calmness and experience, and
reading and doctors, and tests, we dealt with a new life that included doctor’s appointments and
medications that throw your life in a tail spin. Emotions that come out like thorns. Retracting these thorns inwardly, until
you learned how to accept them and deal with them. I wondered would I lose him? How will he ever get out of this? Will he be a vegetable? Cutting one’s chest opened! What is this all about?
Very lucky for
us, our son had taken over a year earlier when he encouraged us to get rid of
our large home and pick a different more manageable housing, which
we did. The move was monumental. The stuff was like mountains of Good Will clothes and books
and things in boxes we had not seen in years.
Somehow, we did this. We carted
things to Good Will. We took items to
our new two bedrooms, one floor home. We
had a mover. We had a dear friend, who
was also my mentor at Daytona State University, Kevin Donlin. Repeatedly he would move so many boxes in his truck.
In the meantime, so many wheels of motion came into place that we could
not recognize as they were happening. My
daughter who lives out of town and her husband decided this was the year they
would move down here. They will live
here half of the year and live in their home the other six months. Our son bought a home in our sub division. They will move here in a year or so. Our lives were given a stable foundation. We both started getting our emotional
balance. We knew we had our lives in
order, but we did not know how the turmoil and upheaval of these two major
illnesses rob you at the same time of stability. This is when “real life gets in the
way”. You must think fast, but you
cannot. You must act quickly, but you
cannot..Somehow, the robot within you takes over. Doing the wash when Bill was in rehab for six
weeks. Taking him home daily ,with his wheel chair in the truck of the car. Trying to adjust to my new meds. Taking long daily walks to keep my
sanity. Not knowing if I could get
through all of this. With thegrace of the Almighty, family and friends, somehow we are here at this bright
spot in our lives. I always say, “The Almighty
teaches, “I can only give you one moment at a time, otherwise you will
never get through this” Thank heavens for all our help, and the strength and
determination that we unwrapped within us. Hugs, phyllis 05/06/1933 phyllisreh@aol.com www.women70andover.com
No comments:
Post a Comment