Monday, January 7, 2013


                                         A Rose Bush with No Thorns?

The article in the Washington Post a few days ago was thought provoking, titled, SHARED PARENTING CAN TEST A MARRIAGE, authored by Janice D’Arcy. I commend the author, Ms D’Arcy.  The article for me was mind stretching, as it was about sharing, chores and real life.   In our case, Bill and me, we are eighty and eighty-four.  We are  light years away from parenting.  On the other hand the sharing, giving and taking with major illnesses  also is over-whelming ..I cannot write about
 how to do it!  Trust me, I wish I could! In retrospect,  I do not know how we both got though this most difficult of year, 2012.  Me with a diagnosis of breast cancer, with an invasive fourteen centimeter  lobular cancer that was not detected for years as it grew and bloomed like a large pumpkin. Then three months later unexpected Bill has open-heart surgery, that included four bypasses. 

Looking back, with some calmness and experience, and reading and doctors, and tests, we dealt with a new life that included doctor’s appointments and medications that throw your life in a tail spin.  Emotions that come out like thorns.  Retracting these thorns inwardly, until you  learned  how to accept them and deal with them.   I wondered would I lose him?  How will he ever get out of this?  Will he be a vegetable?  Cutting one’s chest opened!  What is this all about? 

     Very lucky for us, our son had taken over a year earlier when he encouraged us to get rid of our large home and pick a different more manageable housing, which we did.  The move was monumental.  The stuff was like mountains of Good Will clothes and books and things in boxes we had not seen in years.  Somehow, we did this.  We carted things to Good Will.  We took items to our new two bedrooms, one floor home.  We had a mover.  We had a dear friend, who was also my mentor at Daytona State University, Kevin Donlin.  Repeatedly he would move so many boxes in his truck.  In the meantime, so many wheels of motion came into place that we could not recognize as they were happening.  My daughter who lives out of town and her husband decided this was the year they would move down here.  They will live here half of the year and live in their home the other six months.  Our son bought a home in our sub division.  They will move here in a year or so.  Our lives were  given a stable foundation.  We both started getting our emotional balance.  We knew we had our lives in order, but we did not know how the turmoil and upheaval of these two major illnesses rob you at the same time of stability.  This is when “real life gets in the way”.  You must think fast, but you cannot.  You must act quickly, but you cannot..Somehow, the robot within you takes over.  Doing the wash when Bill was in rehab for six weeks.  Taking him home daily ,with his  wheel chair in the truck of the car.  Trying to adjust to my new meds.  Taking long daily walks to keep my sanity.  Not knowing if I could get through all of this.  With thegrace of the Almighty, family and friends, somehow we are here at this bright spot in our lives. I always say, “The Almighty  teaches, “I can only give you one moment at a time, otherwise you will never get through this” Thank heavens for all our help, and the strength and determination that we unwrapped within us. Hugs, phyllis 05/06/1933  





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